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SCIENCE · SATIRE · ANTHROPOMORPHIC FRAMING

Labrador Named Animal of the Year for Finding Hundreds of Colonies of a Creature People Cannot See

Sgiath, a six-year-old black Labrador from the Scottish Highlands, has been trained to scent the invasive carpet sea squirt at low tide. Her handler says she is always right.

Editorial cartoon illustration: A black Labrador sits completely still on wet rocks beside a Scottish sea loch at low tide, staring hard at a patch of pale slime on a wooden pontoon. A woman in a waterproof jacket and wellington boots crouches next to her, peering at the same patch and plainly seeing nothing in it. A bright mountain rescue harness hangs from the dog's collar, far too bulky for the job in hand.
Editorial illustration by The Questionable Times. Based on the verified event; scene is illustrative.

A Labrador from the Scottish Highlands has been named animal of the year by an international welfare charity, for tracking down an invasive marine creature called the carpet sea squirt.

Sgiath, pronounced Skee-ah, is a six-year-old black Labrador. Working at low tide with her owner, the marine ecologist Dr Texa Sim, she has found hundreds of colonies of the organism, which can smother and kill native species if it is left uncontrolled.

She is thought to be the UK's first sea squirt-hunting dog. The International Fund for Animal Welfare is presenting the award at its 26th annual Animal Action Awards ceremony on Thursday 15 October.

The carpet sea squirt, formally named Didemnum vexillum and nicknamed sea vomit, is believed by marine experts to have come from Japan. It arrived on the shores of the south of England and Wales in 2008 and has since spread to several seaside locations across the UK.

It can appear in shades from orange to cream, reproduces quickly during the warmer summer months, and is feared to spread further as seas warm.

The practical difficulty is that it does not look like much. Dr Sim says it resembles slime among seaweed and turns up on structures such as pontoons and oyster cages.

"When I first started this project, I genuinely didn't know whether it would work," she said. "No one had really explored whether dogs could help tackle this problem in the marine environment. It began as a proof-of-concept project and has exceeded every expectation I had."

Sgiath was originally trained as a mountain rescue dog. She proved good enough at it that Sim, who is based near Glencoe, wondered whether the same skills could be turned to marine conservation work.

At low tide the dog will, as Sim puts it, "dive down under the seaweed". "She just does a survey with her nose, essentially, she can pinpoint exactly where it is, so it's much easier," she said.

The two roles require opposite behaviour. To locate and draw attention to a lost hiker on mountainous terrain, Sgiath is trained to bark and bounce around. Conservation work needs a quieter approach, and she is trained to give what handlers call a passive indication. "It's a kind of a stillness, or a stare," Sim said.

Dr Martyn Kurr, a marine biologist at Bangor University, told BBC News that non-native biofouling species such as the carpet sea squirt can outcompete native wildlife for valuable nutrients. "These species also clog up aquaculture pens, marine infrastructure, and machinery such as boat propellors," he said. Controlling them costs millions of pounds every year across Europe.

Kurr said scientists were just starting to realise that "these wonderful animals can smell changes in water that signal a marine invasion which otherwise might have gone unnoticed".

It is worth setting out Sgiath's professional position precisely, because it is stronger than most. She holds two qualifications whose response protocols are mutually exclusive, and must therefore establish which kind of emergency she has arrived at before deciding whether to bark continuously or to stand perfectly still.

Her detection record is the part that defeats scrutiny. Her handler says she is always right. The organism is hard for people to see. The only instrument capable of confirming a find is the dog that reported it.

This newspaper does not question the result. We observe only that Britain's working register of carpet sea squirt colonies now rests on the testimony of a Labrador, and that the Labrador has never been contradicted.

The remuneration deserves a note of its own. Sgiath is driven to do the job by treats and play, which makes her the only member of the survey team whose entire compensation package fits in a coat pocket.

The Department of Unnecessary Research has examined the award and finds the category sound. Hundreds of colonies of an invasive species have been located by an animal that reports a discovery by going quiet and staring at it. Nothing in the citation requires her to know why.

CARPET SEA SQUIRT IN BRITAINQUESTIONABLE ANALYTICS
10Arrives in the south of England and Wales, 2008
70Spreads to several UK seaside locations
100First UK sea squirt detection dog at work
Illustrative newsroom graphic of the sequence reported, normalised 0-100 for display. The source dates the arrival to 2008; the later points are not dated.
THE BORING FACT

The International Fund for Animal Welfare is giving its animal of the year award, at its 26th Animal Action Awards, to Sgiath, a six-year-old black Labrador from the Scottish Highlands trained to detect the invasive carpet sea squirt, Didemnum vexillum. Working at low tide with the marine ecologist Dr Texa Sim, she has found hundreds of colonies.

Source: BBC News
OUR PROFESSIONAL CONCLUSION

Since the organism is nearly invisible to people and the dog is reportedly never wrong, the national record of where the carpet sea squirt has reached is confirmed only by the animal that compiled it, which makes her both the survey and its sole verification.

REALITY CHECK · ANTHROPOMORPHIC FRAMING

Unfortunately, there's a small problem.

Detection-dog finds are verified by the ecologist working alongside the animal, which is how the project was shown to work at all. The trick is treating a handler's confidence in her dog as if it removed every other way of checking a sample.

THE BS DETECTOR

Where did reality end?

Tap the paragraph where this story stopped being true. Then see where everyone else bailed.

 

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